I can't say I'm proud. I just lied to someone I care about. Made her angry with that lie. Made her angrier on purpose. Made her most likely despise me for a long while. All to make life simpler after I made the mistake of telling the truth at a bad time.
I think I must have been about 12 the first time I ever told a lie. I can't remember what it was, but it was tiny and still I felt awful. I used to make it a point to always tell the truth. In everything. If I heard someone make a mistake, I would correct them, because that was, in my mind, the right thing to do.
This pisses people off. I couldn't understand why. It took being told again and again that people don't like to be corrected all the time before I stopped. I still don't understand why. I don't mind. What's right is right. Truth is truth . It's taken a lot of practice to get to the point where I can lie about my feelings. I almost didn't when I had to. And right now I really want to take it back and tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
But the truth is confusing.
The truth hurts... Everyone.
I'm good at lying. I'm very convincing when I tell people the reason I limp is because I was shot. But I'll normally go back and tell them the truth when the joke is over. I can't allow for misinformation.
So this was hard for me. I told a lie that had to be told. Maybe, one day, when enough time has passed for it to be a joke, I'll correct that mistake.
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... Wow. I don't know how it happened, but I just lost the entirety of what I'd typed here, just by briefly changing tabs in Firefox. Oh well, I'll just write it again.
I'm not entirely sure if I know who was or was not lied to, but if I'm right about who it is (which I'm 99% certain I am, given that you mentioned "telling the truth at a bad time"), then I'm certain that it's for the best. Although she was going to be mad anyway, as soon as you told her the truth - she's always fucking mad about something. Makes me wonder.
And the truth does hurt, yes - but it's through dealing with it that we change and grow as people, really. Learn to become more tolerant, expect things the second time around, know how to conquer them, and so on.
... I think you were right when you said I should be a motivational speaker.
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