Read part 1 and 2I've never had a near death experience and most likely never will. I'm not going to wake up force-fed the fire that will cleanse me of my failures. Sitting and hoping for it just got me burned.
We starve when we don't eat. I wasn't starving because I ran out of food. I began to starve, because I didn't eat when I was hungry and instead of dying, I gave in. I let the hunger take over. I filled my mind with all the disaster it longed for. I accepted it... and I ate.
I ate, and stayed alive. But I found that I had consumed everything around me. There were no more problems to solve that I could see. No more thoughts to bridge the gap. Nothing to cling to.
But I was alive.
This hasn't been a depressed, hopeless tirade. This has a happy ending, it just hasn't got there yet, and likely won't for many years.
I was alive, and that's the best place to start.
Life, creates more life... So I planted a garden. They're just small seedlings now, but I'm watering them, feeding them. Cultivating a crop that will feed the hunger, and keep me alive, keep me growing, and help me become strong again.
Being Alive isn't over, so there isn't a happy ending to this post. But I'm pleased enough to pause on a reasonably positive point in the story.
No comments:
Post a Comment